“I've seen some crazy stuff in my time, but that... was... AWESOME. Oh, sorry about your car, man.”Considered the founding fathers of the automotive world, Karl Benz (1844-1929) and Gottfried Daimler (1834-1900), both created the first gasoline-fueled motor vehicles, just within a short time of each other between 1885 and 1886. I imagine, though, that the history books failed to mention the events of 1887. Benz found that his battery was dead and had to call up Daimler only to find that Daimlers transmission was somehow mysteriously leaking. Because they hadn’t actually built the engines, they had to call up the guy who did, Nikolas Otto. And they didn’t exactly know what was wrong, so they were totally at Otto’s mercy, damned to pay whatever he deemed requisite. And while Otto worked on the Auto (snicker), oh he found out that Daimler's T-case needed both plugs replaced and the radiator is leaking too. And so not only did they father the automobile, but the automobile mechanic as well.
Which brings me to one of my frustrations. I don’t know cars. I know about as much about cars as my brother knows Chinese or my dad knows HTML. The way I see it, most teenager nerds go one of two ways. They either become a gearhead and know everything about cars and how they work and how to fix them or they become a computer nerd and know everything about computers and how to fix them. Somehow choosing cars then made you not a nerd, cause chicks dig cars. And the size of your RAM doesn't seem to matter. And thanks to Wolfenstein 3D, I went the computer route. “Wait you mean this game lets me pretend to shoot guns and kill Nazis? And I’ve been using my imagination all this time!” This knowledge and these skills have served me well, its not that I regret them, in fact many of my jobs I’ve gotten because of them. Its just that when something goes wrong with my car, I am helpless. I feel like my mom when the toolbar in Microsoft Word disappears or when the computer boots to a black screen with the simple statement “operating system not found.” The only things I am sure of are: it is going to cost me more than I have to get it fixed and I wasn’t planning on it happening.
“I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?”“Well, welcome to car ownership,” my dad says to console me. It’s like getting shot and being told “Welcome to the army.” Yeah, I guess I knew this was part of the deal, but it doesn’t mean I like it. Things have been running well, except for a bit of transmission problem a year ago, until this summer, when I got shot three times. First it was my front left brake locking closed "Dude, what's that smell?" (new front brakes), then it was a battery that could no longer hold a charge, needing a jump everytime I wanted to drive...everytime (new battery). Now it’s the transmission, again, leaking out fluid as fast as I can pour it in (4 bottles of fluid so far and I’m waiting to here back from the Transmission Specialists) and this all since the beginning of May. I just wish that cars didn’t break down and need maintenance. I wish my car was indestructible. Now that I think about it I wish my body wouldn’t fall apart and was indestructible too…and I could fly, shoot lazers from my eyes and move things by thinking about it. Yeah, that would be rad.
“Now we went through this yesterday. That "jeep" is actually an armored car of some kind. It was made to withstand bombs, I can't just rip it apart with a crowbar.”It could be worse, I could have totaled my car and had it be my fault. Then I’d have to pay to have my car fixed AND feel the almost literal spike in my insurance premiums. A little coolant pipe breaking isn’t the end of the world. It could be worse. “Yeah, well it could be a lot better too...
...but worse is more likely.” -- Calvin
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