“…where the women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.”

So in my pursuit of a most triumphant summer, I embarked on a two fold mission this weekend. This dual pronged attack had a retro and prospective element. First, Heath and I proceeded to hang out and play Nintendo games until the break of dawn. This was ever so reminiscent of the summer days long past, playing Mega Man 2 and Mike Tyson’s Punch Out until you passed out from exhaustion or your Dad came in and told you to be quiet and go to sleep already. You’d wake up in the morning at your leisure, go home to do you daily jobs, change clothes (maybe) and then call up your friend to go ride bikes until dark and then play more Nintendo. And just like the summers of my youth, Izzo and I had an awesome time, despite the fact that the Jeopardy questions are ridiculously dated and I can’t make a basket to save my life on Double Dribble. Apparently video games are pretty true to life. The second element of this weekend was a visit to the oasis in the mountain desert, the diamond in the rough – Heath’s new singles wards.

“Ewww get off of me you faggot, I HATE guys! I LOVE WOMEN!”

Singles wards are a bit of an oddity in the Mormon Church. Ostensibly they are the same as any other ward or meeting group of the church. People from a geographical region attend the ward for worship, instruction and fellowship. The difference is that a primary goal of singles wards is to provide a forum for men and women to meet, socialize, date and eventually marry. So if it can be said that a primary goal of singles wards is to meet people to date, than you want to go to a ward that has attractive people. It may sound shallow, but if you want to be married to someone you think is ugly, I don’t think that makes you deep. When Izzo told me about this ward he went to last week, I was skeptical. Its like Indiana and the quest for the Holy Grail, it has long been the belief of many and the story of some, that a ward with lots of cute girls exists, but yet it has never seemed to be found. Rumors of rumors. And it was time that I had a little faith and investigated some of the hearsay.

“The search for the Grail is the search for the divine in all of us. But if you want facts, Indy, I've none to give you. At my age, I'm prepared to take a few things on faith.”

Heath was right. “Tell your sister…you were right.” There were tons of good looking girls. Hot ones, skanky ones, high maintenance gorgeous looking ones, even plenty of just plain cute ones. The hard part just came from the fact that it was an overload. It’s like you complain that there is never an surplus or excess of cute girls in your ward, classes, work place, etc. But then when there is such a consignment, you suddenly stumble in the face of indecisiveness. When there is but one or two girls with whom you are attracted, it’s easy to plot a course and implement it. But when your radar screen pulses with the blips of dozens of enemy fighters, it overwhelms you and you’re not quite sure who to lock onto first.

“You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.”

But coming away from a veritable candy shop for the eyes, I start to think about the dilemma that I am posed with. On the one hand I’m looking for someone attractive, someone that captivates me and makes me feel hot and bothered. On the other hand I looking for someone fun and relaxed, someone to laugh with and be my friend. And for some reason, they seem to be opposites. Fun, low maintenance girls tend to be unattractive and hot babes tend to have as much character depth as a sheet of cardboard or a Steven Segal film. Is this a broad-sweeping generalization? Well…yeah I guess it is. But my perception is my reality, and I percieve that this is true. The key word is tend. I know that there is someone balanced out there. And I know eventually I'll find her and everything will be fine. But I suppose when I see the seat next to me is empty or I have nothing better to do than play video games by myself on a Friday night, I’m reminded of my desire for a girl that is fun enough to laugh and talk with for hours and attractive enough for when its time to stop talking…

…and play video games.