“The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands”

I was so sick yesterday. I was honestly sick. There are only a few times that I can think of in my life when I have actually been sick. Most of the time I would describe my alignments as more of a general discomfort or physical uneasiness, but not ill. Sick days were a time for rest. But when you are really sick, the day is anything but restful.

I woke up at my standard 7:30 am and dutifully jumped in the shower. In my semi-cognizant state I realize how sore my throat still was from the day before. With my head titled back I try to gargle some water and then find that the warm of the water only moderately soothes my throat but undoubtedly loosens up a glacier of mucus, running down my nasal passage and throat like the melting of the ice age. And like some primordial virus or bacteria locked in nature’s own cryogenic storage, my head cold was released. Out of the shower I only manage to get on my pants before I realize that I need to lay-down. Not the “oh-my-bed sounds-so-much-more-appealing-than-my-chair-at-work” feeling to lay-down, but the “I-am-a-hazard-to-others-and-myself-behind-heavy-machinary-and-I-am-having-trouble-compsing-thoughts” feeling to lay-down. So I called my boss and left a message, and emailed my team members, then laid down.

When you’re sick and in pain, you’re attention span barely registers somewhere between a 3 year-old with ADD and a humming bird doped up on speed. Nothing is sufficiently engaging and if it is, it requires too much effort to be maintained. So I slept, read, watched TV, watched a Movie, played video games, went to the bathroom, repeat. And after 12 hours, I’m not really that tired any more, but my energy well seems only deep enough to get me to the kitchen for some frozen waffles. Mmmmm, eggo’s.

It sort of makes me wonder about all the times in high school and college that I was sick. Not truly sick, I suppose, as I mentioned earlier, but where I just didn’t feel like going out. Being mentally sick, or convincing yourself that you you’re not feeling “good” is the best, because it’s like you have a holiday, or a day to relax. Sure there’s some guilt about the things you’re missing or will have to make up, but you’ve already justified or rationalized these things when you decided to stay home today. And in the end these things lack in comparison to the fact that you have more energy, more drive, more focus than you did yesterday. My mom called them “Mental Health Days.” Days when she knew we weren’t really sick, but let us stay home anyway. My mom is rad.

There is a part of you that gets lonely after a whole day of being sick. Quarantined. Human beings are social creatures, and sickness not only afflicts us physically but socially as well I guess. There is a part of you that wants to have someone take care of you and wait on you. But you don’t want to ask for it. The same goes for a backrub or a back scratching. If someone does it of their own fruition and charity, it totally rules. But when forced or compelled to, it’s about as fulfilling or enjoyable as watching your mom clean your room for you.

And when you’re really sick, all the sleep you get doesn’t give you more energy. No, rather it gives you a lessened capacity to fall asleep at a decent regular hour. So, you lay there on the couch, awake, no trace of sleep, but limp and listless trying to think of something to do to fill the time till you’re not sick. Something to entertain you. Something to captivate you. But all you can do is try to think of what it felt like yesterday, when you were fine and all you dreamed about at work was laying around on the couch, playing video games, watching movies, sleeping and then repeating it for the duration of the day.

After you’re sick, you need a “Mental Health Day”